If you are a bride’s mother, and it is less than 2 months before the wedding day, I’m willing to bet 10 to 1 that you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. (If you’re a bride, you may be a bit surprised (maybe not haha) at this post, but don’t go getting offended just yet- I am writing this post from my own true-life wedding experience.)

The fact is that planning and executing an awesome wedding is a harrowing experience for everyone involved, even when everyone involved is playing nice and no one is a ‘zilla. (bridezilla, groomzilla, momzilla, etc) And, let’s face it- even the nicest of us have those ‘zilla moments.

My husband and I planned a very short engagement: four months. Four months to get a dress, invitations, bridal party, ceremony location, reception hall, photographer, ect, ect, ect!! I was still living at home. Did my mom want to kill me at some points? Yep. Did I want to kill her at some points? You bet. (Don’t worry- we still love each other. And we’re both still alive.)

It started out very well as my new fiancée and I got to work planning it all out. We were organized! We were confident! We were in love! But as the days grew closer, the stress started pouring in. Money issues, family issues, and the extra worry of my moving to Lansing and moving into what would become our apartment… it was a big load, and not everything was going smoothly.

My first ‘zilla moment came when I was designing our invitations. As a wedding photographer, I thankfully had access to a fantastic professional lab that would be able to print them as I wanted. I quickly set to work on the perfect design. At this point, I was getting sick and tired of other people’s opinions, other people’s demands, and my own struggle to figure out what the heck I wanted, anyway.

With the main design done, the time had come to pick the font for the invitations.

I scrolled through countless websites, pouring through free font. I downloaded and tested font after font, keeping a careful list of each one that I would possibly use. I spent hours pouring over that list, trying and re-trying and narrowing it down. I finally decided on two, and printed out a sample invitation of each. I brought them to my mother.

“What do you think!!”

“…I… I like them, hon… but I can’t read them. At all.”

“…What?”

“This font, it’s too hard to read. I like the rest, though! You just need to change the font to something else, and it would look good!”

…I am not proud to say that I lost it. Quite to my mother’s surprise, I flew into a fit- after all my hard work, she HATED them! MY font! She HATED it! After all that work!!!!! All her ‘logical’ arguments didn’t sway me. “What do you mean, you can’t read them? I can read them!!” “If old people with bad eyes can’t read them, they can just STAY HOME from MY wedding!! RAWR!!!”

Of course, a few hours later, after cooling down, I could see her point. I was still upset, but I knew she was right. (although I still didn’t want to admit it)The invitations were changed, and everyone loved them. I apologized for my tantrum, and we set to work on the next goal… but my mother had met the ‘zilla, and she had the bite marks to show it. This, sadly was not the only time it would rear it’s head, albeit briefly, during this process. (“I don’t CARE what you think, I LIKE this ribbon!! Rawr!”) I am amazed and grateful to my mother and father for their patience with me as this all went down.

This is not to say that my mother was the picture of calm and reasonable sweetness at all times during this process. She had her share of upsets, too.

I find with most mothers, there is a certain amount of fear involved in the desire to be involved. A mom might feel like she really wants to get in there and help with SOMETHING- but she is put off by her daughter, who doesn’t seem to need her.

My mother suffered in weeks of hurt feelings and offense as I passed her by for every job. She felt like I didn’t need her, and I was too busy running around, planning, to care. To be honest, this is at least partially true. I was trying to do as much as possible all on my own (a symptom of feeling like too many opinions had been given, and I couldn’t take it anymore from all these people!!), or delegate to different people. Help with organizing the pot luck? No, mom, Charli has it covered. Help with the dance music? No, Landon and I want to do that ourselves. Help pick out the bridesmaid’s dresses? No, I’ve got it.

To my mother, I hadn’t given any REAL job to do. She even took the initiative to design and put together a couple of hand-made foux-flower bouquets… which I turned down. She understood my desire for “real” flowers, but I could tell she was disappointed- when would I let her contribute?

To brides planning a wedding, I ask: please, consider your mother in this situation. Give her something- anything- to do in order to keep useful and satisfied! Think of something!

But if you are a mom who is going through this, may I say: Oh, just you wait.

A month before the wedding, I was out of people to delegate to. The things to do were mounting, our heads were spinning, and I didn’t know where to turn. Panic time!! So, who got the biggest share of the work dropped into their laps? Yep. Mom and dad.

They had been benched the entire game, shouting praise and encouragement from the sidelines- but it was go time, and suddenly mom and dad were up to the plate.

Bag the candy into the toule? “MOOOOMMM!!!” Run to the bridal store- twice- to get the right bridal bra? “MOOOOMMM!!!” Pick out the perfect wedding-day shoes? “MOOOOMMM!!!” Pack up everything I own, (what to toss?! What to keep?! I don’t want to get rid of that, can’t you store it for me here?!) help me move an hour away, and unpack once again? “MOOOOMMM!!! DAAAADDD!!!”

My mother (and I) found out that vital truth of planning a wedding: when it all goes down, its mom and dad that save the day.

Our wedding went off without a hitch, and it was a genuinely wonderful and fun day. I truly cherish all the love and kindness than were shown to me by my friends and family… but I especially treasure my parents, and how they helped to keep a (part-time) bridezilla happy.

So, moms: don’t kill her. Yes, I know you feel frustrated, and tired, and you possibly have hurt feelings and sore toes if they have been stepped on. I know that she has her bridezilla moments, even though you are trying to be that great, supportive, happy mom. But as long as you stay by her side, the time will come when your little girl will call on you in a BIG way. Yes, she DOES need you. Just wait- she’ll figure that out soon enough. And in the meantime, get lots of sleep, give lots of encouragement, and remember she loves you.

…I love you, mom and dad. <3 Thank you.

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